Yesterday, we were talking about COMMITMENTS… and that led us to talking about how to “improve” one’s marital life…the process of getting along with each other in a loving, and harmonious, fashion. Someone proposed “stalking the wife” … meaning to say… killing her with kindness… (Say what??) Doing the unexpected, doing nice things for her, etc. that is… to please her. I disagreed, saying that it was all a “bunch of BS.” (No I didn’t use the vulgar substitute). I admit it was probably a poor choice of words, and I’m SORRY… but chose them to emphasize my point… maybe a better choice of words would have been… “It’s foolishness.” My view was not well received.
Was it because, I used a poor choice of words to make my point more clear… or was it because my point was not made clear enough… incidental to the words used? I think… my POINT… was clouded ….by the poor choice of words I used to defend my view. I, further…suggested… That it was just ….game-playing. I don’t believe… ‘game-playing’ in a marriage… is appropriate, nor necessary.
Marriage is not a game. I think it mocks the institution of marriage. Sure… there are those who subscribe to all types of gimmickry to make “things at home” more tolerable. But… if playing a game is the only way to make a marriage more bearable; then there is a bigger and deeper problem, and one… that needs more attention.
For some… a box of candy (or flowers) may go a long way to smooth hurt feelings, but to me, that’s even a game. UNLESS….what you do, is truly GENUINE, then it’s just a game. And, “problem marriages” cannot be improved with “game-playing.”
The solutions, while complicated… more often than not… MUST be genuine and from the heart. For an example: staying in a loveless marriage because you made a commitment (from the standpoint of a “vow, pledge, or oath…at the time of marriage) does not bring (or keep) love in the marriage. While being TRUE to one’s commitment is desirable and admirable, etc., it does not bring about LOVE, and marital harmony. A commitment only reinforces the preexisting LOVE, it does not originate it, or sustain it. LOVE…. is LOVE…. Commitment… or NO.
Just for the RECORD, I do not believe in DIVORCE. I am all for keeping one’s marital vows. I am also, FOR a happy, joyful, loving, and compatible marriage. Just because one “made a commitment,” is not a reason, or the only reason, to stay in a dead-end, loveless, un-salvageable marriage… or relationship.
More likely, couples remain married because they’re in LOVE, not because of a commitment… and just ACTING as if they were… still in love. I also believe…after having been married to the same girl for “going on 59 years,” entitles me to, at least… an opinion, and probably one that has been well-tested over the years. A marriage is a 3-way, “sacramental contract”… between the husband, wife… and God.
Marriage is not a play-ground …for games, jokes, and fast-glue. Fractured marriages are repaired with …LOVE, KINDNESS, JOY, PEACE, HUMILITY, GINUINUENESS, and SERVICE… all from the heart, and …by the GRACE of God. Romans 12:18 tells us… If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Also… my view might find solace… in Proverbs 21:23 – He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles. And my favorite…Mark 10:9 – What God put together, let no man put asunder.
….Blessings…as we all seek God’s Blessings…and, marital bliss…. cjlb…11/29/2017