COMMITMENT…. I, and a group of friends, were talking about COMMITMENT the other day, and one of them asked me if I would commit to doing something. I said “no.” He said; “you mean you don’t want to do it?” I said, “yes, I was going to do it, but my making a commitment to doing it would not affect rather I did it, or not.” Committing to do it, was, to me, equating to “swearing, or taking an oath, to do it,” and the Bible cautions AGAINST that.
The bible says in Matthew 5:37 – “But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes ‘ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil. So, you see, I didn’t see the point in making a commitment, or an “un-necessary oath.” I stand by my statement! Yes …..is yes.
We were also talking about how to “improve” one’s marital life…the process of getting along with each other in a loving, and harmonious, fashion. Someone proposed “stalking” the wife; meaning to say… killing her with kindness, doing unexpected, and nice things for her, etc., to please her. I disagreed, saying that it was all a “bunch of BS.” (No I didn’t use the vulgar substitute). I admit it was probably a poor choice of words, and I’m SORRY, but ones used, I thought, to emphasize my point… maybe a better choice of words would have been… “It’s foolishness.” My view was not well received. Was it because, I used a poor choice of words to make my point more clear, or was it because my point was not clear enough, incidental to the words used? I think… my POINT… was clouded ….by the poor choice of words used to defend my view. I, further, added to my view….. that it was just ….game-playing.
Marriage is not a game. I think that it’s a mock of the institution of marriage. Sure, there are those who resort to all types of gimmickry to make “things at home” more tolerable, or acceptable. But, if playing a game is the only way to make a marriage more bearable; then there is a bigger and deeper problem, that needs more attention. I know… a box of candy (or flowers) may go a long way to smooth hurt feelings, but to me, that’s even a game. UNLESS….what you do, is truly GENUINE, then it’s a game. And, “problem marriages” cannot be improved with “game-playing.”
The solutions, while complicated more often than not, MUST be from the heart, and genuine. For an example: staying in a loveless marriage because you made a commitment (from the standpoint of a “vow, pledge, or oath…at the time of marriage) does not bring love into the marriage. While being TRUE to one’s commitment is admirable, etc., it does not bring about LOVE, and marital harmony. A commitment only reinforces the preexisting LOVE, it does not originate it, or sustain it. LOVE…. is LOVE.
Just for the RECORD, I do not believe in DIVORCE. I am all for keeping one’s marital vows. I am also, FOR a happy, joyful, loving, and compatible marriage. Just because one “made a commitment,” is not a reason, or the only reason, to stay in a dead-end, loveless, un-salvageable marriage, or relationship.
More likely, couples remain married because they’re in LOVE, not because of a commitment to ACT as if they were. I also believe, that having been married to the same girl for “nearly 56 years,” entitles me to, at least, an opinion, and probably one that has been well-tested over the years. A marriage is a 3-way, “sacramental contract” between the husband, wife, and God. Marriage is not a play-ground for games, jokes, and fast-glue. You fix fractured marriages with LOVE, KINDNESS, JOY, PEACE, GINUINUENESS, and SERVICE… all from the heart, and all with God’s Blessings. Romans 12:18 tells us: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Maybe, on the other hand, my view might find solace… in Proverbs 21:23 – He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles.
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